Heard at the Dargaville Open

The NZ Bridge Federation is deliberating whether or not to lay charges against a certain senior director, who, using her considerable Tai-Chi skills, prevented a certain committee member (who should know better) from bidding before her explanation was complete.

An intermediate player complaining about the lack of activity on his behalf at  the morning session: "we are just here to entertain and, well, you do also require 2 other people to hold the cards”.

Giving your partner an excellent dummy does the strangest of things to some partners.
After one such hand, declarer asked: " Are you married partner?". The reply: "Depends what you are offering!"